Women’s Month Is Ending? We Can Finally Stop Pretending to Care!
Balloons and custom cupcakes are cute, but closing the wage gap and promoting us more would be cuter!
International Women’s Day came and went. Balloons were inflated. Corporate celebratory emails went out. Some dude probably told his female colleague to “smile more” in honor of the occasion. A glorious day indeed.
I thought I had said all I needed to say about March 8, but Women’s Month is wrapping up, and I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t rant about why it sucks to be a woman. And about corporations and their performative bad manners. Also I came across this thread;
I read this, and my last remaining shred of chill disintegrated. Suddenly, I was exhausted in a way only women will understand. All I could do was sit there, seething. And if I don’t let this vent out, I might just spontaneously combust.
<Takes a deep breathe>
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: the way Women’s Day is treated is a perfect reflection of how society approaches women’s issues in general. Let me explain.
Performative Allyship: Companies Are The Real Instagram Baddies
Every year, companies and institutions have the same script;
Post a “Happy Women’s Day” message on all socials.
Order purple or pink-themed cupcakes.
Host a “Women’s Empowerment” session before lunch.
By 3 p.m, fold up the carpet, turn off the cameras, and pat themselves on the back. Same time next year!
Meanwhile, their workplaces are still severely underpaying women, constantly overlooking them for leadership roles, and letting harassment complaints pile up in the Unread tab.
What’s the point of celebrating women if you’re not actually doing the work? You can order 600 custom cupcakes with the name of every woman in your office, but where is that same energy when it’s time to push for equal pay, paid maternity leave, or even policies that make workplaces safer?
We do not need another email telling us how “strong” we are. celebrating us strong women.” We need you to stop ignoring pay gaps, harassment complaints, and promote us more.
But if you’re not going to do that, if you’re not going to actually do the work to create change, keep your pastel-colored graphics and platitude social media posts.
We Celebrate Women—As Long As They Don’t Complain
This hollow recognition extends beyond the workplace. It spills into how society praises women - only when it’s convenient.
Women entrepreneurs are thriving!
Cheers to the girlbosses breaking glass ceilings!
Women are real superheroes. They do it all!
But the moment we start talking about the uncomfortable realities, actual issues like violence against women, reproductive rights, unpaid maternity leave, the wage gap, needing more women in decision-making rooms…suddenly, we’re “too negative.”
Now we’re “always complaining”. All of a sudden “we love to cause trouble” and “we’re too confrontational”.
It’s fun celebrating women when it’s surface-level and “non-threatening”. They’ll cheer for female athletes, entrepreneurs, and “girl-bosses” until we point out that those same women still make less than their male counterparts, are policed for their bodies, and are expected to still stay likable while being exceptional. When we raise conversations about femicide, higher maternal mortality rates especially for black women, education and opportunity gaps, child marriages, being penalized for having children, period stigma, body policing, medical professionals dismissing women’s pains, political underrepresentation suddenly it’s:
“Ugh, why do you always have to make it about gender?”
Sir, it is about gender. It has always been about gender. You’re not walking around constantly on edge and on vigilante-mode because a random man might decide to kill you and dump your body in the bush, while you were walking your dog or out for a run. No one is “accidentally” rubbing their hands all over you while you’re seated next to them on a bus or train. No one is calling you “my size” or “my type” as you’re walking home from high school. No one is stalking you at work because you finally left them after ensuring years of abuse.
Until the world is equitable (notice i said equitable, not equal) and safe for us (it likely never will be), it will always be about gender.
You Can Be Successful. But Not Too Much.
It’s funny how women are encouraged to work hard and be successful, but at the same time we’re told that we shouldn’t be “too successful”. Otherwise we risk being “too bossy”, “intimidating”, and “unrelatable” (I’m talking to you, Meghan Markle haters).
A woman can get an education and a job. Great. But a woman rising to the top of her industry, calling the shots and making more money than most of her male counterparts? Suddenly, she’s too “difficult,” and “emasculating.”
A woman working hard? Sure, love that for her. But is she’s working hard, thriving, making lots of money and living life on her own terms? If yes, she’s hard-headed. Unlikable. Too much.
Someone said that if women really slept their way to the top, there would be a lot more women at the top. And that’s the truest thing I’ve seen all week! Because why is it that a man’s success is expected, but a woman’s success has to be overexplained, invalidated or toned down so it doesn’t make anyone uncomfortable?
You cannot be the same people screaming at us to “just work harder!” when we talk about the wage gap, and still be the same people vehemently frothing at the mouth when a woman is actually doing better and earning more.
Pick a struggle.
Because you don’t get to cherry-pick which parts of women’s struggles you want to acknowledge and be okay with, just because some of them make you uncomfortable. Either you care about women, or you don’t.
The “Not All Men” Olympics
Every time we speak up about gender-based violence, discrimination or the death of yet another woman at the hands of a man, there’s always that one guy, sprinting to the finish line, rushing to remind us that “not all men!”
Well congratulations, Brandon. You personally have not assaulted anyone. Here’s your gold star for being a normal human being. Now, instead of making the conversation about you, how about helping dismantle the systems that allow the bad guys to thrive?
Because sure, not all men are actively harming women.
But enough are doing it that it IS A CRISIS.
The fact that some men are decent, isn’t a rebuttal to the fact that MANY women don’t feel safe.
In fact, here’s a little exercise for you. Ask any woman, really, any woman - your family member, your coworker, your friend, your church mate, your daughter in high school, a stranger at your bus stop…literally, any woman. And she will give you a story (or fifty) about a time a man made her fear for her life.
I’ll Take My Chances With The Bear, Thank You Very Much!
It’s no surprise that most of us are choosing the bear. You know why?
Because we are 127,750% more likely to be killed by a man than attacked by a bear.
Sounds extreme? I promise you it’s not. Here are the receipts:
🙍🏾♀️According to the UN, 1 in 3 women has experienced physical and/or sexual violence at least once in their life.
🙍🏾♀️AP News reports that an average of 140 women and girls are killed daily by husbands, boyfriends, exes or family members. That’s about 51,100 deaths a year.
🐻 Meanwhile, there are only about 40 bear attacks globally on humans each year. Which means that there is only a 1 in 2.1 million chance of being attacked by a bear.
🐻 Since 1784, there have been 66 fatal black bear attacks (in America); that’s about 1 death every 3.6 years.
Even men are admitting they’d rather their loved ones get stranded with a bear than with a man! That should tell you something.
Women can only do so much to keep ourselves safe. If the men who are not all men could be just as loud about helping to stop the bad ones as they are about defending themselves, we’d make actual progress in ensuring everyone is safe.
So again, instead of making the conversation about how you are one of the good guys and how you personally aren’t like that, please figure out what you can do to change a culture that allows those who are like that to thrive!
Women’s Month Is Over, But We’re Still Here
Dear Woman, I hope you had a great March.
But if you didn’t, I’m right there with you.
The world may only celebrate us for a day (or not at all), but we don’t need permission to celebrate ourselves.
Because we deserve more than a cupcake and an empty slogan.
Every. Single. Day.